I hope when you read this letter, it isnt too late. Too late to heal, too late to say something to me, too late because I’ll be moved on.
I wish you could see every argument we have. I wish you could see the faults in both of us and not just me. I hope you can see this as a plea and try to correct things.
Do you actually recall what I said to you in the past that was so bad? Because I t hink about what you’ve said all the time. Youre my mother, youre supposed to be my besdt friend through it all.
How come I used to be able to talk to you about things that bother me, my vulnerabilities as a struggling single mom? How come I feel like I don’t get the understanding I would like from you without you getting angry? You dont believe any of this I know, but I wish I could film you and let you see the minute your mood, tone and attitude turns angry and negative.
I wish I could have the encouragement I need from you, the hugs, the motherly stuff I would normally get from you. The past year things have changedf dramatically and I dont know why. I feel like everything I do is an apparent failure and is frowned upon. I feel like every choice I make you will find something else to correct it with, like my chocies and my feelings are invalid.
I asked you the other day for the $200 dollar I gave you to hold, I had the idea of opening a savings and I asked you for it back. You replied “you can have YOUR money back, take it before I blow it at the casino right?” that hurt me deeply because you jump so far ahead into an argument before the argument can even be made at all. I just simply asked. I asked you to be motherly when i was feeling down and you told me “Fuck you” I said I felt ugly, and you said I looked beautiful if I dressed myself up and had makeup, that made me feel completely ugly, like I know I would never say such a thing to Olivia.
If I have one concern about what you do with my daughter you automatically fight me. it’s ruioning our relationship, I want to move away and never come back. I am so hurtt by the things you have done lately. the things you say, thgen you accuse me of treating you so badly but do you actually even recall what I have said to you? that was so bad? have I sworn at you and said I didnt want to see you? no but you have to me and it hurts because I never wanted to be treated lioke GARBAGEE by someone who calls themselves mom.
I get so deprtessed by the way you take us for granted like I would never leave, once I do I will be free from all this fighting. my daughter neeeds a normal upbringing, my daughter needs to see me happy, and i feel like you dont care what you say or do in front of her but then accuse me of not caring about what I say or do.
you tell gary lies about me and all of us to cover your own tracks. and it’s not fair anymore. Not fair that the one person I trusted the most ended up being someone I dont feel comfortable at all sharing with.
I feel like I didnt get to have the opportunities my siblings had, things are different nowe and ytou are not the same as you used to be. it hurts me and tonight, it ruined my night. I was concerned as I am allowed to be, about olivia. I raise my kid difgferently than you raised us, I dont want her being told something and it not happen. thats just the way I raised her and will raise her. because I know what its like to be disappointed, thanks to my dad. but I shouldnt be yelled at or told that I am actually accusing you when I am calling out your behaviors and I dont like them. Donmt bring my kid around stress then tell me I am causing her anxiety by arguing with you when you cant take constructive critism or be called out on your fucked up actions.,
honestly I am glad I am who I am and not toxic or UNEMPATHETIC like most people. because the one person I didnt expect to be this cold towards me was you. I wish I didnt come here for it to be this bad, I am glad for all the lessons. you told me once when we were fighting that I was a bad mom for fighting in front of her when you were the one who started the fight, but god forbid if you did anything wrong right? God forbid if i have my own opinions and feelings that are V A L I D
one time you told me “you keep saying youre going to move out where are you gonna go?” and that crushed me because you gave me the opportunity here, but you treating my like tyhis is going to make me stop talking to you forerver because I never do anything nearly as bad as melissa ever did but you just bark at me for one little mistep of MY OPINION,. but whatever, I wont be there to help when you’re really down, youll have gary.
I want to be able to heal finally from all this fucked up shit i have gone through in my life. I want to be able to bne happy withgout your negative outlook on life. I work my ass off for you to treat me like this is not right and you know it.
i hope you see that you too need to heal and be kinder to others.
Polar Express 